A Sub-Atomic Particle walks into a bar…

A couple of days ago, Simon Allen, a friend in the UK got a “Neutron walks into a bar…” joke from Carla (from Oxford High School) and posted it in his Facebook timeline:

This neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink, opens his wallet to pay when the barman shakes his head and says………. “for you, no charge”

Physics, Humor and Language always catch my attention, so I thought for a few seconds and I replied with my own “Particle walks into a bar…” joke:

The Neutron walks into a bar. He was positive he had forgotten an Electron at home.

Since them I have wasted precious minutes (hours?) thinking of other smart particle situations (and involved other people through Twitter and Facebook). I knew I would not be able to stop unless I put all of them in a single place.

So, here it is. The most comprehensive set of “Particle walks into a bar…” jokes  documented in history. Credits to Simon Allen, Roy Atkinson, Allan Berkson, and the public domain (I am sure a few of them are stolen).

They are presented in no particular order.


An Electron walks into a bar and order a drink for the proton. He found her very attractive.

A Neutron walks into a bar and order a double scotch. Barman: “What is the matter?”. Neutron: “Not the matter, the anti-matter”.

A Proton walks into a bar. Barman: “We only sell to protons, are you sure you are a proton?” Proton: “Yes, I’m positive”

Plutonium Atom walked into a bar. Barman thought he was very unstable.

An Electron walks into a bar. Another Electron walked in to a bar to meet the first Electron. That is repulsive!

A Proton walked into a bar order a double. The barman asks “What is the matter?”. Proton says “Two good friends were in a collision yesterday…”

An Electron walks into a bar… Barman: “What is the problem?”… Electron: “It is the photon. I wish I was as brilliant as him.”

An Atom walks into a bar and orders Diet Coke. Barman “Trying to lose weight?” Atom: “Yes, after Thanksgiving dinner, I am a few isotopes too heavy.”

Two Hydrogen Atoms walk into a bar. “We feel very divided…” Barman: “Helium, is it you?”

An Atom walks into a bar at the hotel lobby. Barman “Sit at the bar?”… Atom: “Yes, I cannot find room in the periodic table. ”

Neutrino walked into a bar. “Got a speeding ticket”… Barman: “How fast were you going?”… Neutrino: “Over the speed of light, but I think the radar malfunctioned. “

An Electron walked into a bar.  As he was served a martini, he waved to the Foton and collapsed.

An Atom walks into a bar. Barman “What are you going to have?”… Atom: “A gin-atomic, please”

Carbon and Hydrogen Atoms walk into a bar. “A bottle or red. Organic, please”

A Boson walked into a bar. Barman “What are you going to have?”…  The Boson did not hear what the barman said. He had a noise canceling headphone on.

A Lepton walks into a bar. Barman: “Ice Tea?”

9 thoughts on “A Sub-Atomic Particle walks into a bar…

  1. A Higgs Boson walked into a Catholic Church. The priest said, “Sorry, no Higgs Bosons allowed.” The boson asked, “But without me, how can you have Mass.”

  2. I don’t care about this, now i’m making around £1700 a month.
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  3. The particles of an atom decide to hang out outside of work one day and go to a bar. When they get there the Proton says, “Barkeep I’d like a beer with a shot of whiskey, a shot of rum and a shot of Irish Creme in it.” The bartender is surprised and asks “Are you sure?” and the Proton affirms “I’m positive!” Then it’s the Neutron’s turn and he looks at what the Proton ordered and says “I’ll have what he’s having” and the bartender takes one good look at him and hands him the drink “For you, no charge.” Now by this time the election realizes he’s the lightweight of the group and tells the guys he’s going to split. The proton and neutron say goodbye, “Alright but we’ll see you around.”

  4. A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks “Can I help you with your luggage?”. It replies “I don´t have any. I´m traveling light.”

  5. A quark walks into a bar and sighs. Bar tender: “what happened?”. Quark: ‘I just got fired from the Republicans’ media response team. They found out I had a left spin”.

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