A couple of days ago, Simon Allen, a friend in the UK got a “Neutron walks into a bar…” joke from Carla (from Oxford High School) and posted it in his Facebook timeline:
This neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink, opens his wallet to pay when the barman shakes his head and says………. “for you, no charge”
Physics, Humor and Language always catch my attention, so I thought for a few seconds and I replied with my own “Particle walks into a bar…” joke:
The Neutron walks into a bar. He was positive he had forgotten an Electron at home.
Since them I have wasted precious minutes (hours?) thinking of other smart particle situations (and involved other people through Twitter and Facebook). I knew I would not be able to stop unless I put all of them in a single place.
So, here it is. The most comprehensive set of “Particle walks into a bar…” jokes documented in history. Credits to Simon Allen, Roy Atkinson, Allan Berkson, and the public domain (I am sure a few of them are stolen).
They are presented in no particular order.
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An Electron walks into a bar and order a drink for the proton. He found her very attractive.
A Neutron walks into a bar and order a double scotch. Barman: “What is the matter?”. Neutron: “Not the matter, the anti-matter”.
A Proton walks into a bar. Barman: “We only sell to protons, are you sure you are a proton?” Proton: “Yes, I’m positive”
Plutonium Atom walked into a bar. Barman thought he was very unstable.
An Electron walks into a bar. Another Electron walked in to a bar to meet the first Electron. That is repulsive!
A Proton walked into a bar order a double. The barman asks “What is the matter?”. Proton says “Two good friends were in a collision yesterday…”
An Electron walks into a bar… Barman: “What is the problem?”… Electron: “It is the foton. I wish I was as brilliant as him.”
An Atom walks into a bar and orders Diet Coke. Barman “Trying to lose weight?” Atom: “Yes, after Thanksgiving dinner, I am a few isotopes too heavy.”
Two Hydrogen Atoms walk into a bar. “We feel very divided…” Barman: “Helium, is it you?”
An Atom walks into a bar at the hotel lobby. Barman “Sit at the bar?”… Atom: “Yes, I cannot find room in the periodic table. “
Neutrino walked into a bar. “Got a speeding ticket”… Barman: “How fast were you going?”… Neutrino: “Over the speed of light, but I think the radar malfunctioned. “
An Electron walked into a bar. As he was served a martini, he waved to the Foton and collapsed.
An Atom walks into a bar. Barman “What are you going to have?”… Atom: “A gin-atomic, please”
Carbon and Hydrogen Atoms walk into a bar. “A bottle or red. Organic, please”
A Boson walked into a bar. Barman “What are you going to have?”… The Boson did not hear what the barman said. He had a noise canceling headphone on.
A Lepton walks into a bar. Barman: “Ice Tea?”
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A quark walks into a bar and sighs. Bar tender: “what happened?”. Quark: ‘I just got fired from the Republicans’ media response team. They found out I had a left spin”.